Friday, May 27, 2011

Au (Oh) Calm

I am really trying not to be a workaholic. Recently (that means since I got back from New York) I have been feeling as though I was on "the rack," being pulled in so many directions that I want to scream, but not being able to move. Saturday morning I was paralyzed by all the "work" I had to do. I couldn't do anything but look at my list and freak out.

So, I packed up a folder, my computer (ugh, the main culprit,) a night gown, my toiletries  kit, the girls the dogs, and fled to les monts du lyonnais. Along the way, at a rond point (traffic circle—something France is famous for!) we stopped at Uniferme, a country collective of local organic farm products, all produced by small farms in the country outside of Lyon.

It was so great when we got to our house. It was quiet. I could hear all the unique sounds that make up the country symphony—the crickets' chirp, the waving hay, the random bee buzzing by, the lizard slither, the sweet birds. The separation of the sound was amazing, soothing and I felt I could even hear myself again. The whir and whirl of city life, my own burn-out since my return from the states, coupled with the ridiculous schedule that I alone have committed to, had gotten the best of me.

Dinner on the grass terrace looking out at a thousamd acres of unspoiled farm land, a rousing game of progressive rummy and a good night's sleep, changed my perspective on everything.

I have asked myself, "why am I doing this? Why have I always worked so hard and rested so little?" It is literally impossible for me to sit down and read a book for an hour. I feel too guilty, like I am not entitled, am wasting time.

1) write down 3 most important things to do the next day before I go to bed. Do ONLY those three things, nothing else before those are accomplished

2) cancel all extraneous plans until further notice

3) hug my dogs and children more (I already do this a lot!)

4) go to the country on the weekends

5) stay connected to the people I really love, get disconnected from those I don't

6) remember that this too shall pass

7) check email less often

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